living in wonderland` 23:43

random thoughts again.

how would you noe that your bf/gf is "the one", the person with whom you will share you future happy and sad times with? can anione reli be sure that this person is true, love and care for you no matter what? what happens if everything sweet and beautiful is replaced with anger and unhappiness and living together everyday results in only more unhappiness and conflicts? when tension escalates and everything turns sour, will there be regrets?

also, i have been wondering. reflecting. im not a very quiet person. in fact, ppl who know me better know im qt talkative. but certain times i suddenly become silent and reserved. cos i feel v conscious or uncomfy in that crowd. it has to do w my expectations of myself. i make things far too complicated. but aint things actually very simple? everything can be simplified into happy things. i should stop restricting myself with my own thoughts. it gets tiring to think so much.

and some thoughts have been haunting me. i sometimes wonder, 20 years of my life has passed, what have i accomplished? what is my direction in life? do i have one? am i wasting precious time? and i cant help but wonder, what happens if someone goes away to another world? do they still stay ard their loved ones? do all eternal regrets linger , neverending and torturous? how do their loved ones cope? such things are scary no doubt. yet slowly and finally, we will be forced to see the harsh realities in life too.

sighh. these unhappy tots are reli clouding my brains. i wanna be happier. i wan to be less conscious and sensitive. maybe superficiality is sufficient in most cases.

finished watching 偷龙转凤 - comdedy set in the oldern days puglistic world. the male lead, 焦恩俊, is VERY charismatic. pleasant looking but not exactly drop dead goodlooking type. but he's reli quite old! 40 year old 老男人! LOL! but he reli v v goh seh, esp while acting in those 大侠 shows. he's my new ou xiang. i wanna watch all his shows!=P now u noe i got fetish for old guys.
















anw i chanced upon this photo on the actor's blog. the caption: 向前衝，不回頭，不想過去。前途一片光明等著你。衝吧！ (kinda off rite. haha soo cheena.)

a picture reli speaks a thousand words. reading the caption while looking at this picture, i feel the powerful surge of energy. sprinting forward in the fastest speed possible, running with all your might, even if the future is plaged with difficulties. its quite encouraging and thought provoking.

exactly the attitude i should adopt.

living in wonderland` 20:57

everythings just wrong. there are things, where no matter how hard you try, it remains screwed up. maybe im just not trying hard enuf. there are so many things to do, i wan to do well or at least reasonable in everything, yet its jus so hard. the more the commitments, the harder to concentrate.

im not like those super sporty, natural sports pattern type. so i need to go for all trainings. cos if i dont train, i will jus be a liability. very sick of this feeling. nxt yr reli dun join le. join le aso only throw my own face.

i duno wad happened. i've changed so much since sec sch. thinking back, i dun even dare to do the things i did back then. i still remember those times. yet while we shd get more daring as time passes, i feel that im getting more and more reserved. the change is so drastic. something's wrong. the confident, willin to try, outgoing me. all gone.

people see me as a blur person, dreamy and all that. im not that blur actually. its just that when i noe i cant do it, i tend to keep myself away. i rather not cause everything to cui bcos of me. even when im given the chance and i pressure myself to try as hard as i can, i never manage to do even the basics. im already trying v hard. but i guess its just not in me. i wanna scream. i hate being so incompetent. so useless. good for nothing at all.

i try during trainings. i pretend to just sighh when i do so badly. but in fact im screaming inside. hating myself for improving so little despite all the advice people are giving me. i dun wanna let people who are patiently teaching me down. yet i jus am not up to it. but i wanna be stronger. i hate myself for being so weak. i dun like being so weak =( help.

living in wonderland` 20:40

having hols now. but alot of IHG trainings. i reli enjoy bball, but i regret joining hockey. i also regret joining RA. i should have been more decisive. i shd nt have joined it at all. sighhh. i jus wanna have some time for shopping, going out and relaxing. but reli no timeee!

im starting to become the girl who reli dreads commitments all over again. its alwx when these things force me to give up all my time. then i start trying to break free. its not like to me to be irresponsible but i reli just need sometime aside. i wanna pei darling when he's in sg.

but i have to say i enjoy bball trainings cos i feel that im kinda improving! and also, im quite excited about dnd. i hope i can do a good job. things are slowly progressing. our carwash this sunday along with sale of tidbits. i hope it'll earn us more $$ =D all the rich people! donate to us!

i jus watched nana jus now. finally. after darling ask me to watch for qt some time le. wow its unexpectedly nice leh. reli very nice! the songs in the show aso. i dinnoe the glamourous sky is from this show. to think i have been listening to it. i recommend everyone to go and watch it! =D

registered my sucky timetable for next sem. sadly, i have NO FREE DAY. dam. i wanted my 4 day week but cos i changed index to have pp i noe in my class so i end up having 5 day week. siannnn! =( no electives to take aso. i reli duno wad im doing. and im super dreading the release of exam results. sighh. everything seems to be becoming so screwed!

i've been screwing up almost everything i've been doing. pls give me strength to do better, like before. i dont wan everything to be so disorganised and messy.

im jus kinda looking forward to the msia trip! =D

living in wonderland` 17:33