how many of us actually truely understand the meaning of missing someone. frankly. i tink noone noes better than those who have lost people whom they love so dearly. she must be devastated. and devastated is probably just an understatement. but what else can she do? reality is just that cruel.

this spurred me to reflect on myself. i've thought alot about my life these few days. im a lucky girl. with my mama daddy jiejie darling and all my frens. what more can i ask for? =) these people are enuf to make my days glow with contentment. and i should study hard and do the best i can in everything. cos i reli want to do every single thing with 100% effort. then there will be no room for regrets.

i've been far to immature before. i even thought of breaking with darling for sucha dumb reason. thinking back now, it seems so totally irrational and childish. i guess i reli have to learn to think and act like a rational adult. i cant express how absolutely loved and contented i feel, cos i have you with me.

living in wonderland` 00:52

=) went out with ching sally and shuying today. met for dinner but our DEAR shuying was still cutting hair so me sally ching walked ard in marina square while deciding what to eat. hmmx. i realised i haven been shopping for a VERY VERY long time. as in. in a real shopping center. not those pasar malam this fashion or online. hahaha i wan to go marina square to shop! haha. okie anw after a long process of deciding, we decided on eating genki sushi (which was quite a bad choice =P cos oni the sushi was nice oni). den the fun part was that we took super alot of photos! cos of the way we sat, me n sy took more pictures and sally n ching took alot too! but oni i tink 2 pictures with all 4 of us! =P but still had fun!

living in wonderland` 00:02

been overwhelmed with projects, reports and stuffs. i've been ponning lessons quite abit. sighh. i reli gotta buck up. and i wanna start studying le. i need to start on my plans so that i will not 100% cui all my work.

yet while i have so many things on hand to complete, my mind is constantly in a trance. mixed feelings are churning within. since the day puiyee sms-ed to tell me about van's bf, i've not reli been myself. its reli been weird. the feeling is reli scary. i jus duno how to put it. it just made me realise once again, how important it is to let those you care for realise how much they mean.

darling. im sorry that i've been quite sensitive these few days. i noe you're busy aso. i just cant help but feel extremely freaked out by the news. i duno how to put it, but i just constantly need to know that you're fine and all that. sorry =(

life is jus so unpredictable. and when i read those words on vanessa's blog, my tears cldnt stop flowing. the pain must be so unbearable. so torturing. so suffocating. i just hope she will be strong.

living in wonderland` 03:07

=) thanks to those who remembered. appreciate it. had a good day today too darling =) xiexie ni. paiseh i eu yest nite. haha. =P send me photos!

living in wonderland` 22:13

=) went for bball. im reli reli dam lousy. lols. nothing can describe how malu i feel man! heng is all agar noe one. den not so paiseh. else i tink every1 jus st8 away tell me shooooo. haha. but im reli more intersted in bball than hockey la. but sometimes i reli wonder. what exactly am i good at? practically nothing ba. useless.

hmm. there have been alot of things recently and im once again feeling v overwhelmed. i got to finish my AA201 report by tml, AA202 report by sunday, AC213 research by sat and AC213 report by sunday. sighh. and i was gossiping yest nite and the whole of this afternoon. i reli reli noe how to waste time. sighh.

someone has been making me quite sian. theres sth wrong, and effort must be put in to fake, pretend, hide. its reli dam tiring. the worst part is my DAM SIAN look still surfaces. no matter how hard i try to hide it. wish can control. LOL. haha. i reli would rather i just keep away. cos seriously, whats the point? waste energy.

its hard for friends to make me reli angry till i 翻脸. i may complain till v cham, but most of the times, after i let it all out, i'll be totally alrite agn. so theres reli no nidd for the superficiality. if you feel that things are awkward, dont need to do anithing to try to pretend or salvage the situation. cos im fine with it. esp when you dont happen to bother. cut away with the formality and just let things be. i'd rather not even put in effort to hold a conversation.

i dont quite believe u duno sth's wrong. if you reli duno TOO BAD. else ure just faking dumb and pretending. but in either case, you've already got the best of everything now. i've never felt so indifferent since jc. i dont dislike or feel irritated by you. im serious. in fact you're sum1 i used to treasure. its just that when i realise the frenship isnt that impt to you, i start to feel so tired. cos while to me, its sth i treasure, its worthless to you. no point. when it gets to this point, its dam sian. and i give up. i cant be bothered animore. i dun give a dam animore.

if u ask me previously i am sure i would do much more to salvage the frenship. but now, i'd rather just draw the line.

living in wonderland` 21:58

i reli duno what to say. i reli am starting to fear the uncertainties in life. and i cannot tell the people around me what to do, i just wish that everyone would learn to treasure everyone ard la. its reli reli very important. sighh.

sometimes there are reli times where our priorities reli have to be set right. reli. i duno. maybe to some people, there are different weightage of family, friends, money, studies, etc etc. i am not closing my mind to all other options. its just that i feel no matter what, if we leave out one group of our lives without realising it cos we take it forgranted, one day, one day we reli will regret.

and i dont wan any of the people i care for to regret. cos it will reli be very very painful.

living in wonderland` 22:48

=) spent a very fun wkn with darling. haha. but i realised i played too much the wkn liao. go out shop, play game, haha do everything but study. GOD. its like 1 month to the exams. im reli feeling dam scared. i should do sth abt it. and while im feeling so scared. darling is about to ORD =( not fair. he's gonna be enjoying while im mugging. i demandddd dinner delivery EVERYDAY. haha. kidding.

im starting to reli panic. every sem the exams seem to get scarier and scarier! hahaha. and this yr will probably be the worst bday i have since got report due on 24th. but i hope i will still get to enjoy my monday la =) please please bless me with NO PROJECT MEETINGS on that day. haha. =D

some things are just there. and they wont go away. yet its how you handle the emotions, how you keep it under control and not allow it to affect your course of life. one apt example would be the exploding stress level that most people are facing at this point.

living in wonderland` 21:57

if things are gonna turn out like this and you claim you knew it, in future please make ur predictions and foresights known. cos i reli see no worth in passing comments after things are already done. whats the point, seriously?

im starting to lose it. theres so many things to take. so many things to do. so many things to think about. so many things to worry and care about. its overwhelming. and im already reaching the limit.

living in wonderland` 19:02

the more we study, the more we know.
the more we know, the more we remember.
the more we remember, the more we forget.
the more we forget, the less we know.
...
so why study?!?!?!?!

im like stuck with 202. only at seminar 1 of 13. sighh. =( im so dead. and i have my report to rite. boooo. i wanna quit school.

living in wonderland` 01:39

im kinda disappointed in this someone. someone that i thought was worth looking out for as a fren. yet that person kinda treats me like a spare tyre. just walk away lidat. fine loh =( i wun bother animore. next time I WILL WALK OFF FIRST.

=P im so childish. but its not about like not wanting to lose or wad la. i jus dun see the point in putting in extra effort when im kind of like taken forgranted. whats the point? if you need help or wad you will auto come look for me. so just forget it. i am no longer going to bother.

yest nite me n sy went pompom tgt den started chatting about stuff. after that at 10+ went over her room to study. unfortunately we ended up doing EVRYTHING but studying. haha. she realised she didnt see alt of our pageant photos b4. so we were browsing thru and laughing at all the silly things and the fond memories =) i reli reli tink that these group of people are reli the group of people that make my hall life so memorable and nostalgic. my favourite group of people in hall =) anwwww. haha. we started talking n talking n talking den ended up starting work only at like 2am!!! haha. den at 4 plus sally came over for a break den we talked till like 5+ agn! end up so unproductive but yet shared alt of things lar. =) it was fun.

thou this morning reli reli cldnt wake up for lesson. cos only slpt 1 hr. but i reli enjoy such "catching up" sessions. and i realised that certain parts of me and sy are reli VERY VERY alike. the likings, the character, the thoughts and stuff. its RELI very alike.

sighh. my new specs is done le. gg to collect it tml but i reli reli have no time. feeling so scared. i have quite afew deadlines next week i tink im gonna die half way thru. and the point is........ im not even started AT ALL. im so dead.

tues: 214 megamax ppt, individual report
thurs: 202 quiz
fri: 213 report

living in wonderland` 13:57

i wan to go kbox =( i love to sing to de-stress! ard this time last sem, i told darling the exact same thing. I WANT TO GO KBOX! =P hmm but i got a super great sense of achievement. cos i did my REA tut on my own and i managed to finish it! yay =) at least i can feel less guilty for ponning the seminar. now i have the motivation to start studying liao. but i jus need to stop playing audition =)))) and watching drama lar. haha.

living in wonderland` 01:36